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| Haven't blogged in awhile. I went and came back from the Mojave desert, which was a true experience and I can't wait to go again. But this morning, and these few days, my mind seems stuck on one thought. I find it kinda random that it's sticking in me so much; I thought I'd learnt to let go of things better by now. But I wonder, sometimes I just wonder. what if....what if. | | |
| The day of Passover, of the Last Supper, the night on the Mount of Olives, the moment of betrayal. It begins. | | |
| so much on my mind and heart recently, it makes me sad. But I can see God speaking to me and guiding me, I can see His way working through all of it somehow. I'm so thankful that He opened my eyes to see that, and give me a little hope in what would otherwise be a pretty hopeless situation. So much turmoil going on around me now... I mean, none of it has been stuff that affects my life itself, but loved ones. I feel like I'm sitting in the middle of a hurricane, the eye of the storm. God please help those around me, and use me somehow as a vessel for you. He's been transforming me too through all of this. Heard a great sermon today in church, where laziness was defined as "when comfort wins over effort and I fail to do the right thing". I've been really lazy.. not necessarily doing the wrong thing, but by not doing the right thing, that was the wrong thing. Easter's coming, and it's holy week right now. I find it strange, and sad, that Easter week doesn't have much influence on daily life here. People get all hyped up about the spring season and easter egg hunts and spring break, but Holy week becomes nothing. Holy week is the most important week in the year, where everyday has a significance, beginning with palm sunday, ending with Easter sunday. The most intense week of Jesus' life, and the week with the most specifically detailed descriptions in the Bible. From the highs and festivities of Palm sunday, through the buildup to Maundy Thursday and the Passover feast and all the significance that brings in itself, to the Last Supper. Then we follow along to the Mount of Olives, to the courtyards and courtrooms of the Pharisees, to the Roman rulers, watching as Jesus is publicly flogged and ridiculed, then being hauled back in front of rulers and high priests, where malicious lies and flagrant slander are thrown around. All through the night it continues, til on Good Friday, He is rejected by His own, and nails are pounded through his hands and feet, and he is hung on a cross high above for all to see his humiliation. Finally, hours later through excrutiating pain and shame, He breathes His last. He is then laid in a tomb, and the Sabbath rises. There is a day of heartbreak as the disciples gather in fear and secret, scared and unsure, completely lost. Then to the glory of Easter morning, where an empty tomb greets those who seek Him. Amen. Easter week. It's not just another week, it's THE week. Glory glory glory. Forget chocolate rabbits and brightly painted eggs, this is what Easter is really about. In other news, been missing some people recently. The world might be 'shrinking' thanks to technology and stuff, but to me, it's still a vast vast place. | | |
| This past weekend was (in the word of the convention) AMAZING. I fell in love with cki all over again, seeing the spirit of all the different schools, with people all the way from norcal and vegas..yet all united in one spirit of service. Even though I spent most of my time with IVC and UCI, who I see the most often, I still got to spend time meeting lots of new people from UCR, CSU LB, El Camino and many others too. Was great seeing peeps from berkeley and davis and de anza (in la casa!) and I'm already looking forward to seeing all of them again at STC. Cheers to Davis for winning the talent show, I thought their skit was fantastic. Berkeley and UNLV did great jobs too! So DCON is over. sad face everyone. The weekend went by like a blur, truly like a rollercoaster with the crazy sudden drops and loops. Some low points, extremely low. Love to my friends who were in that too. But it was really great with the crazy moments, late night runs for pho and ihop, walking around with barely open eyes, dancing the night away in a crazy mosh, taking photos both sane and goofy, falling asleep on each other piled on top of each other with 5 to a bed, testing the limits of night driving at 4 in the morning... it was a DCON to remember. I'm already counting down to when I'll next see everyone again:) | | |
| Lately, things have been tough. Not directly for me, but for those around me. I used to be so worried about my own heart, to the point where I've built a stone box for it. But the ones hurting are the ones around me I care for immensely. Recently my heart breaks over and over for each one of them. The sudden loss of a loved one, the extreme consequences of malicious slander, betrayal, disappointment... things completely unexpected and cut so very deep. I don't cry. Anyone who knows me well, knows it doesn't happen often at all. The last time I cried was a year ago, when I forgot to put my heart in its box. I've had some times when I get sad, but this last month I've been the closest ever to crying. I just want to hug each friend, and somehow absorb their pain. My heart breaks for them, and there's nothing I can do but the best thing I can think of is prayer. So I'm praying for them, for God to soothe their pain and give them peace, and for them to lean on His infinite strength. Heartbreak. I thought I was safe from that. But the worst pain, is when those you love are in pain. God, please help them. | | |
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